I remember standing in a crowd
Unable to hold your gaze
It haunted me
Created a silence in my mind that made me feel
Something deep
For the first time in years
Only safe this time
Unhooked somehow from everything that was before
Readjusting me
Removing the shouts inside my head
It made my gut tingle
With a sensation so unknown
Unreal almost
It threw me, shook me hard
Gave birth to that longing I have since carried in my heart
A craving my mind has finally stopped battling now
Replaced by an urge to take your hand and then a vow
A pledge to honor you for who you are
A surprise, a storm, my one true love



I want to hold you in my arms, my love
because your smile alone is not enough
it warms my heart but not my soul
just feeds my hunger, uncontrolled
It leaves me aching for your touch
turns my restraint right into dust
and makes me quarrel deep inside
against my appetite I have to fight
because no matter how I long to hear
you moan my name untamed and clear
I want to take it slow with you just now
for you’re the one to love I vow



and just when my heart beat at a normal rate again
there it was, your picture
smiling at me, making my heartbeat race in my throat
making me dizzy, weakening my knees
reviving my sadness
the pain of not having you here now in my life
the sorrow that I will never see you again, nor hold you in my arms
while the memory of you is all-consuming, controlling my life
in ways both beautiful and crippling



“Is that a hickey you are covering or why are you wearing a scarf,” she asks, unaware of the wound she rips open by asking her question, the inner turmoil I’ve been trying so hard to keep to myself.

“Of course,” I say with a forced little smile, images of my dreams still vivid to me as her curiosity darkens my mind, leaving yet another scar from missing you so badly day and night.