Restless

There you are again
haunting me in my dreams
we laugh, are holding hands
and I am stirring in my sleep
my arms wrapped around a pillow
not around your luscious waist
it makes me restless
coz no matter how hard I try
my longing for you leaves me breathless
lonely even, for the first time in my life
incomplete somehow with just myself
yet full of joy when in my dream at least
we share a kiss

 

Scar(ve)s

“Is that a hickey you are covering or why are you wearing a scarf,” she asks, unaware of the wound she rips open by asking her question, the inner turmoil I’ve been trying so hard to keep to myself.

“Of course,” I say with a forced little smile, images of my dreams still vivid to me as her curiosity darkens my mind, leaving yet another scar from missing you so badly day and night.

You Are

You are the dream I cannot shake
the memory I wish I had
the soul my body craves
the hunger I’m incapable to sate
You are the pain that haunts me late at night
the joy engulfing me with blinding light
You are the courage, wisdom, hope I need
make my heart grow and not just bleed
You are the spark my mind needs to create
You are
My heart’s most beautiful mistake

 

Snow in June

I thought I spotted you today
But you were sadly out of reach
You were surrounded by a crowd
Your smile so genuine
Your eyes lit up
And I just stood there, mesmerized
My heart aching for your voice, your touch
Until dandelions began to fall
Like snowflakes on a spring gloom morn
So rare in color, lavender, not white
Your matching smile, so delicate and bright
That’s when I knew
Your sitting there was never real
Unlike my feelings
Just a dream

 

Leaf-Bud

I saw a tree cut down today
its remains cast aside to fade away
young branches a fresh lush green, decorated with buds
their youthful beauty now covered with mud
and as I looked at them they resembled me
those leaves my dreams never meant to be
but like those leaf-buds I ignore the pain
and put my hope into the rain
to sprout some roots, grow and transform
to become a tree unwavered by storm

 

Falling

My soul is aching for you, my love
it lifts me up and hurts so much
the thought of you, your passing smile
the lust you bring, joy and denial
At night I toss and turn for you
call out your name, a lover’s fool
in dire hope to find you there
between my sheets, asleep and bare
not just a shadow from my dreams
a hopeless crush, or so it seems

 

Requiem to a Dream

“Did you already stand in line to get tickets for the Berlinale?” Angus sits across from me, his eyes resting on mine with a casual smile.

I shake my head and sip on a fruity cocktail, waiting for the ice to freeze my brain. I’ve been thirsty coming to this place. The bagel shop on the second floor. The store next door is being renovated once again. Something always changes in Berlin and yet it strangely remains the same.

“Me either.” Angus glares at me with a look that leaves me guessing. He pauses, then sighs. The way his spikes an olive from our appetizer plate almost seems volatile. “Too many years have passed since I last won a Bear. No accreditation for me this year.”

I watch how he picks the olive from his toothpick, his lips glistening from the oily dressing. “I don’t know what it is with this film festival. Last year I was too ill to attend, the year before I was struggling to keep my job. Must be the season. I don’t feel I’m missing out on anything.”

“Berlin is gray in winter. They say the festival brings color to a dreadful season.” Angus picks another olive and chews on it.“No shopping for investors at the EFM this year?”

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