Missing Pieces

And just as I understood that I have never known who you really are
that loving you has made no sense
that I fell for an image of who I wanted you to be
an idea rather than a person
a simple sentence made me crumble
reminding me that my heart has had its say in this and not my mind
and that it misses you

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French Vanilla

Your kiss tasted like waffles in my dreams today
Sugar-laced
Macchiato foam still on your lips
A touch of cinnamon caught in those grooves
carved in by laughter, mischief and sensation
your mouth adorned
your tongue French touched
inviting me to savour you
and sate my hunger
for your love

Monday

Missing you has lifted my spirits in a strange way today. I don’t know how, nor why but feeling my gut knotting up over longing for your voice, the sight of you, your touch, has helped me breathe through turmoil and frustration. My aching heart too preoccupied to care about things that do not matter, about developments that normally would blow my mind. But you keep me calm, my love, in the eye of any storm. Not having you a whirlwind of emotions that outdoes any other I have faced before. No pain left, just sweetened sorrow and the gratitude for knowing love, not just desire. Love, not plain but simple. Each thought of you a happy one, putting the puzzle of my self together, improving me. No fear left, no doubts there, none.

Night Fall

I have weird dreams these days
dark sometimes, unsettling
but you are always there to soothe
not that I’d often see your face
it is your presence that I sense
until I put you in my sheets
my mind done playing tricks
telling me exactly what I crave
your skin on mine, your mouth
then your embrace
lips spoiling you
your neck, your curves
my favorite treat
no payback needed
desired, yes
your bliss priority, however
your smile, a kiss
so deep it tingles in my gut
and leaves me panting
from wanting you so much

Naked

Now this is new to me: I’m numb. I hear your voice and wish to cry but I have no tears left, nor do I feel anything else. No joy, no pain, no indifference – nothing. It is as if my feelings have dried out, my heart, although my soul is still aching for you as it hears the fraction in your voice, that little crack as it breaks away while you’re trying to convince me of your well-being.
I do not like not feeling, not being but a shell of myself, stripped of my emotions. Is this a side effect of loving you so much without the rewards of having your love in return? Has my heart decided to take a vacation now from being bruised and has forgotten how much you also lift me up by just being you, by being there – if only in the distance – that your mere existence means the world to me and lets me breathe?
I never expected to miss shedding tears over you, to crave the impact of your soul revealed to me like no one else before, pulling me down on the floor, crippling me. But never have my tears left me as jaded and empty as not feeling anything, not even my heart beat in my own chest. And I wonder how long this will last, because I rather break down every night and long for you waking up than being stripped bare and soulless like this. Without emotions I simply do not now how to exist.

Day-Dreaming

Happy thoughts, I need them now but you are sadly not around. And although I know I should not rely on you to uplift my soul and kill that scream muffled in my throat, I cannot help it. Nothing makes me laugh anymore. Just a glimpse of your face or a piece of your art revealing your soul. Only you know how to make me smile like that. Your perception, your longing, your depth. How that happened, I still don’t know but I’m done questioning my feelings for you. I love you and that is that. And I love you enough to let you be and do not crave a hug from you to wash away my misery, nor do I wish to vent or cry. It seems so idle, such a waste of precious energy and time. So I’m embracing the gift of loving you instead. It’s a choice I had to make to get through my days without you distracting me with every breath. But once at home all I want is sit in silence by your side, our fingers entangled, awaiting the moonlight. And while the sun sets and colours the sky, your head rests on my shoulder and there it is, in my dreams at least, my happy sigh.

Vows

I want to hold you in my arms, my love
because your smile alone is not enough
it warms my heart but not my soul
just feeds my hunger, uncontrolled
It leaves me aching for your touch
turns my restraint right into dust
and makes me quarrel deep inside
against my appetite I have to fight
because no matter how I long to hear
you moan my name untamed and clear
I want to take it slow with you just now
for you’re the one to love I vow