Above All Else

You’ve made yourself comfortable in my head and I never really had a say. I see images of you come and go, always leaving me a little out of breath. Your eyes I usually remember first when you are not here but crave to be alone. And when you’re gone, I wish I wasn’t so shallow as to always revere your beauty first, but it is your inner wealth I love the most. Although I’m not even sure if that’s the truth, because from your eyes, your smile, my thoughts always drift off to the whole of you: your freckles, your mind, your laugh. I wish I could say that’s where I linger, but in my thoughts I’m always quick to explore your scars, dents and curves. And unlike before I do not wish to be repaid for giving you pleasure for it is your happiness I seek above all else.


My soul is aching for you, my love
it lifts me up and hurts so much
the thought of you, your passing smile
the lust you bring, joy and denial
At night I toss and turn for you
call out your name, a lover’s fool
in dire hope to find you there
between my sheets, asleep and bare
not just a shadow from my dreams
a hopeless crush, or so it seems



You’ll never belong to anyone but yourself
and that’s how it is supposed to be
But couldn’t you be mine just for a little while
just for a moment there, a glimpse
until I have learned to breathe again
until your heart has healed
If my own breaks in the process, so be it
the memory of you, my tears, your smile
it will be worth the price
although I know I will curse myself for it one day
for loving you more than I love myself



My friends showed me a video of you today
I hadn’t seen you in a while
It was so good to see you smile
And yet
Behind your glasses I missed the sparkle
The one your eyes usually create
And while my friends were saddened not to have attended your party
All I saw was the glass of Whisky in your hand
Are you all right, I wondered as my heart began to ache
You looked so lonely in your company of people
So misplaced somehow, isolated, sad
You just sat there, quietly intoxicated until your voice gave you away
But I’m the only one who heard the slur it seems
Who noticed your intonation so clearly change
For you, my ears have always been more pricked, my eyes wide open
Now that’s a secret I have never told you
But seeing you now, I wish I had