Autumn Lunch

stormy weather
matching my mood
mumbling surrounds me
while I eat my food
no solace, no quiet
just voices and rain
tear drops on a window
soothing my pain

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Lit

I’ve always been the intellectual type
with a slight touch of squee
but all I see these days are swaying hips
and my heart skips a beat
not for some strange allure or sass
but for the memory of you
and the future that I longed to have
when my mind met yours
and with one look you lit my soul

Bourbon Blues

I won’t crouch down now craving your scent
It won’t make me miss you without my consent
I won’t crave your smile, curves, kiss nor your skin
I won’t let my mind drift off into sin
I’ve been on my knees indulging before
Lay weeping over you on the cold floor
But this time I’m stronger than gold in a glass
My heartaches is over, I give it a pass

Un/loved

I’ve reached that point of not grasping your do, all I see is friction between me and you. Our differences an ocean setting us apart, your smiles a lie, your decisions rash to me, unsmart. And yet I love you, against my will, close my eyes, long to kiss you and nuzzle your hills – want to drown in your laugh, calm my anger, your fears, dream of hearing my name whispered quietly fierce.

Summer Blessings

Two days of summer this year. August 30 and finally a clear blue, no clouds anywhere to be seen except those plane-painted lines up high in the azure. To say this year so far has left me unscarred, my soul untainted, my heart intact would be a lie, but through my tears I’m finally able to embrace my blessings. No need to count them really because for every blow I took, a gift was there to help me breathe, so they were plenty. I just had to see them through the mist of heartache, rage and longing. My favorite season blown away by wind, the heat I need to make it through a long gray winter washed away by storms and heavy rains – the weather matching my mood so painfully, my life, my situation. Or was my mood inflicted on me by a sun just smiling in absentia, depriving me of energy and warmth? On the days that counted she was always there, however, shining through a cloud-cluttered sky. And although my skin’s still pale, my heart still bleeding from every dream that burst this year making my smile look crushed, these two days of summer have lifted my spirits and patched me up. With autumn fast approaching, I hope this vigor, verve and and vim will last.

Dreamers

There they are again, my tears
not flowing freely but still there
they don’t engulf me anymore
but leave me saddened, deeply so
another opportunity unanswered
another blow
and all I want is smile at you in silence
feel your arms embracing me
our bitterness unspoken
we both know it all too well
the hope and setbacks and frustration
the inability to just let go
of dreams so deeply nestled in our fabric
the main ingredient of our souls

Morning Dance

I feel your warmth and smell your scent before I’m even sure that I’m awake. My arm is loosely tucked around your waist, our legs entangled. You are so beautiful in your sleep, your face relaxed. It is a rare sight these days. Your features softened, I detect no hint of pain, nor sorrow, only laugh lines adorning your eyes and lips. It is my favorite start into the morning, drinking your essence in like this with the first rays of sunshine, my hand fondling your skin as I’m still not sure if perhaps you’re just a dream, if I’ll wake up and you’ll be gone once again, leaving me panting in my sheets. But you are here, I am certain now as my fingers explore every curve on your back, your rear and finally your neck, until they come to rest in your hair to pull you closer for a first sweet kiss as you smile at me. But before my mouth finds yours, I am awake, truly now and your presence, as always, is nothing but a trick my heart’s been playing on me, craving your embrace, my skin still feeling yours against mine, a phantom pain created by my lovetorn mind.

Day-Dreaming

Happy thoughts, I need them now but you are sadly not around. And although I know I should not rely on you to uplift my soul and kill that scream muffled in my throat, I cannot help it. Nothing makes me laugh anymore. Just a glimpse of your face or a piece of your art revealing your soul. Only you know how to make me smile like that. Your perception, your longing, your depth. How that happened, I still don’t know but I’m done questioning my feelings for you. I love you and that is that. And I love you enough to let you be and do not crave a hug from you to wash away my misery, nor do I wish to vent or cry. It seems so idle, such a waste of precious energy and time. So I’m embracing the gift of loving you instead. It’s a choice I had to make to get through my days without you distracting me with every breath. But once at home all I want is sit in silence by your side, our fingers entangled, awaiting the moonlight. And while the sun sets and colours the sky, your head rests on my shoulder and there it is, in my dreams at least, my happy sigh.